THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
