Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
