yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
