i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
