I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
