i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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