dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
