I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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