She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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