i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
