Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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