We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
