So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
