he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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