i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
