May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
