rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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