I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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