so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
