You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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