She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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