If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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