Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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