sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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