break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
