My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
God, I missed his penis.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
