My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
