I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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