I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
