I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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