My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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