So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
