Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have aggressive nipples.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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