So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
