"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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