I just threw up on my dentist
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
