How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
