She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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