Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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