Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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