Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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