its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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