we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
