Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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