Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Randomize
