i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
