Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
