So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Come see our sink grown plant.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
