Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
pop tarts are not kleenex
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
