Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
