He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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