God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Randomize
