i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
