Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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