I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
