Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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