i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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