a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
