Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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