Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize