The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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