I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
50% drunk capacity currently
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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