Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
