I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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