the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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