Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We need to get me chipped asap
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
