We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
