I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I touched a dick in church today
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
