Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
