I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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