She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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