I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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