my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize