Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
