He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
