the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize