And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
