scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
