Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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