I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
