You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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