Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
