I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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