i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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