people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
