New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
