I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
