so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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