...so i touched it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
