remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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