So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
