I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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