We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
