I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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