im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
