After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
