i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
